August Anxiety Antidotes

I couldn’t have written a positive newsletter one week ago, or even a month ago, (which is why I chose to rant about the heat wave instead.) But looking back on the summer, all I see now are miracles. It’s time to testify!

permisA month ago, I rode in a driver’s ed. car with Olivia and the instructor, anxious about the state of her road skills after driving with us very sporadically during the spring. It was dismal. And yet Olivia’s goal was to pass the driving test before going back to school next week. I thought there was no way, but the instructor confronted an attitude that was holding her back and she should have confronted mine too! Olivia paid for several more hours of supervised driving and breezed through her test on Aug. 13 ! After 26 yrs. of driving our kids all over the western world, we can finally cry, "Freedom!!" (as long as we don’t need the car.)

(The scarlet letter stands for "apprenti," not "adultery," and this is a sticker that stays on our car during her 2 yr probationary period that limits her speed and warns others to give her a wide berth and grace. 🙂

In June, I mentioned a loan needed for renovating the house. Well, despite worldwide economic anxiety, we received a big gift from a supporter, got a cheaper estimate, and a good bank easily loaned the remaining €8,000, thanks to a good reference by the retired bank manager on my Sozo team. Work starts in Sept.!

I’m also happy to report that the woman I mentioned in that same newsletter who was wracked with anxiety and anger for years is a completely new person after just 4 sozos and is back at church!

However, my relational anxiety had been simmering all summer:

I felt like the 2 local French women who had given me consistent time and attention since we’ve arrived, had abandoned me.

I felt used and abused by a few other people at the same time and new physical ailments jumped in to join the pity party.

Moments of joy were fleeting, I had to quit the fitness club and I wanted to walk out on all church meetings.

I spent lots of time alone in front of www.bethel.tv bolstering my soul and spirit, so that I could continue supporting people like a good missionary. But you can’t do that forever.

David gives the best support he can as a man with a very different way of seeing things. And even though we had an incredible 5-day anniversary escape to Lyon mid-month, my issues all came to a head on the day of his birthday this week.

I will spare you the details, but even the cake was a disaster.

Was it hormones?
Missionary burn-out?
Cultural differences?
The devil?
Or did I need to heal a deeper layer of rejection that was hindering me?

We were going to celebrate that evening during a church council gathering, but it was more important to reconnect as a couple and family, so we excused ourselves, bought David a McFlurry and opened his new webcam from the kids.

Then while he watched the extended version of Return of the King with Olivia (who had just finished the books as her summer reading) I unloaded on Alana, who was at the right place at the right time to listen and give me honest, helpful feedback. The heaviness lifted immediately and I was able to join my family for the last hour of the film.

And there was my little struggle being played out on a large scale by little people with the destiny of Middle Earth on their shoulders as all of hell came against them. Another reminder that my suffering is nothing compared to others and that the enemy knows exactly how to keep each of us down with lies about God, ourselves and others. I’ll be renouncing those lies in my next Sozo…trio LOTR 

I see these Hollywood buddy films as prophetic encouragement to the body of Christ to get healed, get over our differences,
and get ready to face the dark days in front of us,
united in faith, hope and love that will conquer all,
kind of like those 2 American soldiers on the French train last week.
Sounds like a great anxiety antidote to me…

Looking forward to the future, Angela

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